Journal: Days 6 – 11

Ah! I have found my journal once again! I have a feeling that girl Sparrow was flipping through it. I’ll have to keep an eye on her considering recent events. Anyway, after questioning the Bandit, who we named “Jack’s Bitch” we found out that they were robbed by mites. What self respecting bandits are robbed by mites?! I mean, if I were a bandit (which is not so far from the truth, I suppose) I would definitely make sure that I was not robbed. Especially by such insignificant little shits of a race. Before we decide on what to do with my bitch, I notice Reyes slowly creeping over towards him and, wondering what he was doing, I peered over to see Kydien whispering. As it turns out, the Stag Lord (not our Stag Lord) is her brother, and it has been she has been looking for and, with that idiot Fionn having killed himself, she needed a new way to get to him. We sleep for the night and I have a wonderful dream about 7 humanoid creatures with both male and female genitalia. To save whatever reader from reading that wonderful ramblings of an inappropriate dream let us just say that there was not an empty orifice in the place. What was disturbing was that when I awoke there was a beaver pelt next to my face. I was furious. Although it would seem that Asher has killed Joe so I won’t need to worry about him anymore.

After burying the idiot and killing my bitch, we set out for where the mites are. We come upon a gold mine, of all things and mark the location on the map before making camp for the night. My dreams this night were not so pleasant. I dreamed of a figure in the mist with a wide brim hat, white trench coat. He seemed to be apart of the mist. I awoke rather suddenly and in a sweat.

The next day we come upon the Sycamore that they mites have made their base. In one room we find what seems to be a breeding room which I light on fire, killing a Mite and 3 giant centipedes. Asher seemed jealous so I rubbed it in his face. What I expected to find was a bunch of stupid Mites. What I found was that the Mites had starting showing the signs of early societal building. They had art, music and had started to attempt to read. It was marvelous. We killed them nonetheless, but it was fairly impressive to see. As it turns out, what we were looking for was actually taken by Kobolds in the Oak Top Silvermine. As we were crossing a chasm we had to fend off a Whiptail Centipede which Reyes ended up delivering the final blow to.

When we arrive at the Oak Top Silvermine I see a mite in a cage, which was amusing. We are greeted at the entrance and allowed to enter after Asher shows the guard this statue which appears to be a religious relic to these kobolds. He takes us to Tartar Sauce (I can’t be bothered to remember the ugly son of a bitches name) and he seems annoyed and a little frightened that we have returned this particular artifact. He seemed even more upset that we killed the Mites, which was puzzling. He orders his minions to attack. Sparrow manages to sink an arrow into him before I can cast a Charm spell, which takes quite nicely while Reyes makes the others piss themselves in fear. I take Tartar Sauce aside and discover that he is the veritable puppet master to his chief and that by killing the Mites and taking back the statue we have gotten rid of his distraction, which he needs so that no one will notice him. He is clearly a moron, but I continue the facade nonetheless. I manage to strike up a deal with Tartar Sauce so that we can avoid further conflict and we begin to leave. As we leave we meet the puppet chief and annihilate him and his hunting party. It was really quite pathetic. They were so unbelievably unskilled that it was amusing. As we ride out I kill the Mite in the cage and, after some time of riding, we rest.

As we head out the next morning we encounter bandits and I made one fuck a tree. It was quite entertaining although I ended up killing the poor bastard with my crossbow. After words, for whatever reason, Sparrow kicks me in the testicles as hard as she can. It was incredibly painful and I haven’t the slightest idea as to why she did it. We camp at the gold mine and the next morning.a Will O’ Wisp which seemed to frighten the others. Reyes tries to give some encouraging words and we destroyed the thing. As we road to Oleg’s I made Sparrow levitate upside-down, slowly spinning for a good couple of miles as payback for kicking me. When we arrive at Oleg’s I translate Tartar Sauce’s journal which gave some interesting tid bits of information. The next morning, as I am taking a bath, the Captain of the guard tells me he is not impressed with the size of my cock and shows me his. I immediately understand why he is not impressed and proposition him which he accepts. It was fantastic and let’s just say that it’s a good thing that I have a bag of holding in my throat, if whoever decides to read this catches my meaning.

Shortly afterwards we travel to Restov where, as the others are buying new weapons from our newfound wealth thanks to Tartar Sauce’s hoard which Asher and Sparrow managed to raid, I travel to a temple to get healed (and silently judged). Afterwards I try to dig up information about the others, while I could find no information on Sparrow, that crafty little minx (wouldn’t mind diving into that mystical cave) but I did find out that Reyes is the son of two legendary mercenaries named Derrik and Red Head Alleria who were the Captain and first in command of the Followers of the Dragon. Throughout there travels, they made many political enemies who set a trap for them. The trap was simple but one that his parents could not ignore. It was told to them that there were innocents who were going to be killed and they rode off to protect them, knowing that it was a trap. They are buried in the same spot they were so nobly slain. This explains much about Reyes.

Asher is the real treat. I ran into his “cousin” at the stockade, to be executed two days hence. He was clearly mad from torture, babbling something about his innocence. As I was questioning him a guard tried to hassle me so I charmed him, which apparently worked very well as he started treated me as Joe had. I sent him off to try and sleep with the old man who told me the story of Reyes parents. Afterwards I hypnotized him and what he told me was very interesting. Asher is probably not related to who he claims and the family he has started to con are the best kind of marks. They believed his story, which apparently was expertly crafted. The charter to go into the wild lands originally belonged to another cousin, who Asher killed. He then planted the charter on this poor sap and then found it on him. He then received our beloved charter and left this dumbass here. Unfortunately for the dumbass Asher is much more useful to me than he is and I left him there. I will probably show up at the execution if we are still in the city.

I find Sparrow and Asher in a bar and we manage to get all of the women to take their shirts off. Many of them start to try and woo Sparrow, sending two of them to me. I would have loved to bed them both (had they not been riden with sexual deeds) but I trust no gifts given from her as of right now. I shoved on off and paid Asher 100 gold to get the other off. The one he hit off of me, however, was the sister of a gladiator. He ends up leaving and not long after a drunken moron comes in who says that he is him and orders a lot of alcohol. I end my night in an inn.

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